Even though the 5th August will be 3 months since we lost Magnum, I’ve still been thinking in terms of weeks and today marks 12 weeks since that heart wrenching day. There has only been one day in all of those 12 weeks where I haven’t shed tears as I think about how much I love my little girl, how much I miss her and how much I wish we could have had more time together.
I know that Magnum is watching over me, continuing to guard and protect me as she always did. I had the most surreal experience a few weeks ago when I could feel her spirit enveloping me, warming and hugging me when I was particularly down about other things that were going on in my life. I felt so loved and safe.
But I’d still give anything to kiss and hug her warm, furry, flesh and blood body just one more time.
My grief is still quite raw, bubbling to the surface far too often. But, I do feel a little more at peace now than I did after one month and I have been able to actually smile and laugh as I remember some of Magnum’s cute and silly antics and expressions. And yet I am still taken aback by how much I miss my little girl, how much my heart still aches and how empty life is without her in it.
Regrets still come back to haunt me from time to time and have been especially noisy in the last few weeks. Every time I feel myself slipping I try to remember that no matter what, Magnum knew that she was loved and safe.
Thank you to Rene and Jim and everyone at Tripawds for being here. I wish I had sought the warmth and knowledge of this community at the beginning of Magnum’s journey. But, no looking backwards, I found my way to you towards the end and thank Dog I did. Helping Magnum write her memoirs and being able to be a part of this community has been and continues to be a critical part of my healing process. No-one else understands like you guys do!
Please keep Magnum in your thoughts today and give your doggies extra kisses and cuddles for us tonight.