I wish you were here

Twelve months on I wasn’t sure how to mark this day but Magnum knew what I needed and left it to Ruby to help me.  Ruby has been with us for over 8 months and in that time she has only ever followed the path that became Magnum’s regular haunt in her last couple of years no more than a handful of times.  But, yesterday morning, a morning so similar to Magnum’s last morning,  she took me on that familiar walk. She walked very somberly, as if she knew.  She stopped and sniffed everything and would continue on very seriously.  No smiles.  As we walked through the small park where Magnum and I had spent so much time together I could almost feel Magnum’s presence…. almost, but not quite.  It is only the second time I have been in that park since Magnum died.  The last time I was there it was still too painful but this time I was OK and I managed the whole walk without one tear! Thank you Magnum.

During the week I was inspired by Delta Goodrem’s song, “Wish you were here”,  a hauntingly beautiful song……………………………..

This is for you my beautiful Magnum……

“I wish you were here”

MAGNUM 001

 

It’s been twelve months and I still ask “why did you have to go?”

Twelve months and I still wish there was more I could have done.

Twelve months and I still miss you in all that I do.  Miss you, miss you, miss you.

I wish you were here.

 

When you left me my faith was in pieces, my world left empty.

But three weeks later you returned,  in my dreams and in my waking moments.

You warmed my heart and restored the faith that I had lost.

But I still wished that you were here.

 

I remember the fun we had together, playing with the ball at the park, the beach, inside the house!

The lazy mornings and evenings filled with hugs and kisses. The long walks exploring new places.

You were my rock, my guardian, my reason for living when everything around me crumbled.

I wish you were still here.

 

When cancer reared its ugly head I begged it to not be true.  I prayed for a little more time.

But in a crazy way it made me stop and live “now”, letting the memories soak deep within my soul.

Our last eight months together were a gift that is imprinted on my heart, never to be lost.

But I still wish you were here.

 

Now, twelve months on, you don’t visit me anymore in my dreams,

You don’t sit with me anymore in the quiet of the day.

I miss the warmth and peace that would fill me with the touch of your spirit.

I wish you were here.

 

I know you are safe and happy in a place forbidden to me, for now.

I am slowly learning to go on, to love and be happy without you.

The lessons and love you taught me will always be with me.

But I still wish you were here.

 heart-smiley

Love you my princess,

Magnum’s mom

About princess

Almost 10 year old loyal and courageous rottie!
30 May 2002 to 5 May 2012
Lost her leg to osteosarcoma on 1st Sep 2011 and did 6 rounds of chemo with carboplatin.
3 lung mets found in Mar 2012 and 1 month of Palladia done before it was stopped due to GI issues. But it was metastasis to the back right hip that finally took our little girl on 5th May 2012. She was happy, contented, relaxed and very loved when she peacefully slipped away in her mum’s loving arms.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to I wish you were here

  1. benny55 says:

    Karen and Ruby……thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute to your Magnum. What a jewel of a soul she is.

    Had to pull myself together as I wanted to view ALL of her posts to truly get to know what a magnificent soul she is.

    Held it together fairly well until I got to our six month tribute with the song, pictures and video.

    Karen, she is a MAGNIFICENT dog being. You two clearly shared an incredible journey together that continues on. Magnum seemed to know the legacy she was born to leave with us. You look at each photo and there is just a “knowing” that comes only from being a very wise soul with a purpose to fulfill.

    Karen, this computer keeps cutting off and I have so much more in my heart I’d like to say. So, please forgive me for leaving right now but I will write more when K come home from work.

    I just wanted to reach out as quickly as I would to let our know our hearts are ere with you.. I’ll connect again as soon as I can.

  2. blackdogcompanion says:

    That was a beautiful tribute to Magnum. I know you miss him very much but he is still in your heart. I am glad that you got to visit such a special place that the two of you share.

  3. Michelle says:

    It never gets any easier reading these posts. She was such a beautiful loving Rottie. I do not understand why this stoic breed is so prone to this stupid Cancer. Thank you for all the support you have given me with Sassy. Rip Magnum enjoy your time at the Bridge until its time to greet your loving mommy who misses you so so much.

    Michelle & Sassy

  4. benny55 says:

    Magnum’s pictures were all so strikingly handsome and majestic but those ones of Magnum playing in the surf were just JOY in it’s purest form!

    Magnum rolling round scratching her back is the epitome of a dog’s motto, “find something you love ad roll in it”!

    When you have a journey like you did with Magnum and then the weight of her loss, it’s hard to have a belief system anymore…..and that in itself creates yet another void. Yet, I know you’ve found purpose and meaning to her partnership with you….you get the depth of the bond and all the lessons she taught you. And that’s what higher beings such as Magnum give us.

    She probably doesn’t show up in your dreams as much anymore because she knows she’s done her job well and she knows that you get she is always present with you.

    And that’s so evident in every post of wisdom you share with us, every bit of knowledge, every ounce of encouragement and every word of comfort. Magnum is still helping you help others. That kind of legacy is eternal. Because of Magnum you have been able to co tinue to give so much to all of us and what a way to honor a life with such a powerful meaning.

    Thank you for continuing her legacy of love. When you look at that picture of her as a puppy (sooooooo cute), you can all most see a smirk, a slight smile……..yeah, she saw it all……she knew her mission.

    You are a special lady with a gift for putting feelings of the heart into words.

    Thank you Magnum, Sally and Happy Hannah

  5. princess says:

    Thank you Ladies. We all grieve differently. I keep coming back to post here because this is one place where I know my feelings will be understood. Except for my husband I can’t talk with family and friends about Magnum and how I still miss her. After all she’s “just a dog”. I “should be” over it. But the people who come to Tripawds are people who love their dogs like I do and who see them for the amazing souls that they are.

    Karen

  6. jerry says:

    Karen, first off please let me send my sincere apologies for not realizing that your generous gift to Tripawds coincided with Magnum’s anniversary date. I’ve just now gotten a chance to look at blogs this week and read your post. I’m deeply sorry for not making that connection, please forgive me.

    The one year milestone is a big and emotional one. You have perfectly summed up how all of us feel on this occasion with your beautiful tribute, thank you.

    Time might go by, but the loss is still bittersweet and tugs at our hearts at the most unexpected moments. I think that Ruby definitely sensed your emotions, and knew that she could quietly be there for you.

    The one year mark really hit home for us, and made us realize how fast time goes by, and when we are grieving, how slowly it does. It’s weird how time does that isn’t it? Even as we approach the five year mark this October, I know that we will still feel the ache of parting ways, for now…..

    Until that day at the Bridge, Magnum will always be there in your heart, no matter how much time goes by.

    {{{{hugs}}}}

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *